If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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