apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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