i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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