No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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