you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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