i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize