This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so let's talk penis.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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