she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
