her vagine was all disorganized.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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