Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
