maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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