tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
