I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
