not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
