I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
