Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Randomize