Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
