This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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