I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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