This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
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