i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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