Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
