You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
