I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
