the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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