Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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