its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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