420 ftw
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
