How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
