"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize