What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Can you bring me the toilet please
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
