Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
