sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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