Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize