yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
