I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
