omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
