this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
