I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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