I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sorry about my life...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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