4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
