White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
