I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
