I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I love having hate sex.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
