No awkward lesbian experiences without me
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
