brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
