I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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