he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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