Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
