Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
