i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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