Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
