In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
