At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize