peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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