who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
