It's like God shit irony all over that family
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
