Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
