Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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