Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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