I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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