good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
