She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
dude. I can hear the air.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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