I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
