did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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