thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
