WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
