I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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