Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
